For the first installment of Action Friday I thought I’d come out swinging. My son and I are huge Tom Cruise fans; like, mega-dorks of the highest order. We’re sort of the highest level Thetan of Cruise fans. I’m not saying we walk around wearing naval outfits and pretending we’re philosophical sea captains with the answers to all of life’s questions, but I am saying L. Ron Hubbard would approve of our level of enthusiasm.
Let’s get this out of the way right at the top: This is the best movie of 2018 and Green Book and A Star is Born and Bohemian Rhapsody can suck it. Yes, a lot of this has been done before in other movies and in the M:I series itself: there’s a bomb ticking down to zero – will they stop it in time???; there are long scenes of Tom Cruise running – will he catch his target???; Cruise will subject himself to one dangerous stunt after another – will he live???
If you’re scoring at home, the answers are Yes, yes, and yes (though Tom is getting to the age where the answer to the last question could justifiably be “Yes, but why is Grandpa jumping out of a plane again?”)
The setup is pretty straightforward: Ethan Hunt, our hero, has once again made a fairly daft mistake and let three plutonium cores get out on the open market where – surprise! – terrorists are planning to purchase them and make bombs and our only hope is for Ethan to track down a shadowy underworld figure, impersonate him, secure the cores, and save the day, all the while having a CIA watchdog (played by the hunky, and clearly hard for Tom, Henry Cavill) hovering over him and generally making a nuisance of himself, oh my god who gives a shit? Check out this fight scene!
Hell Yeah!
Anyway, the movie progresses in fairly normal M:I fashion: there are double-crosses, double-double-crosses, triple-crosses, and I think an Ollie-Kick-Flip. There’s a lot of chatter about Ethan Hunt being the guy who chooses to save one life in an effort to save millions of lives, or some other mathematically problematic bullshit like that, but really this is about Tom Cruise defying age, osteoarthritis, and the series lack of engaging villains to make wonderful action fare.
In the third act we are treated to what is probably the best 15-20 minutes of any action movie ever. That’s right – EVER. If you haven’t watched it, stop reading, go watch it, then punch yourself in the face five times as an act of penance.
There is a glorious bit of Ethan Hunt climbing into a helicopter, falling, climbing again, commandeering said helicopter, and then, with no apparent knowledge of how to fly a helicopter, chasing down the bad guy. Why? Because Fucking Tom Cruise, that’s why!
My son, Ethan (that’s right, I named my kid after a fictional character in an action movie franchise – I’m that kinda nerd) was over the moon watching this in the theater. His constant jokes about Tom pulling a hamstring, only to overcome it with the power of Scientology, are some of the funniest things I’ve heard while watching a movie. And let’s be clear – we love Tom Cruise, even with the specter of his wacky pseudo-religion hanging over everything. Again, I NAMED MY CHILD AFTER A CHARACTER HE PLAYS. Clearly Henry Cavill isn’t the only red-blooded man who is hard for Tom Cruise.
In addition to the amazing third act, there is a great movie here, supported by a great cast beyond the aroused Henry Cavill. Ving Rhames returns as Luther Stickell, and can genuinely be considered the beating heart of this franchise; Simon Peg returns as Benji. Your mileage on Benji may vary – doesn’t he basically do Luther’s job? We already have Luther, right? I’m pretty sure we have Luther. Oh, wait – this a Bad Robot production – which means there’s probably a J.J. Abrams clause somewhere that requires Simon Peg. J.J. Abrams fucks everything up; Rebecca Ferguson returns as the wonderful Ilsa Faust; and we get great performances from Angela Bassett (more please) and Alec Baldwin (professional Donald Trump impersonator, who sometimes acts).
But really, we’re here for this:
And this, and most of all THIS. My spirit animal is Tom Cruise Running.
As a pure entertainment, M:I Fallout is a smash hit, and as a bizarre outlier of a series getting better as it goes along, it really delivers the goods, which is a good thing since Cruise has signed on to do (at least) two more sequels, at which point Ethan Hunt will be HALO jumping from low-earth orbit to land on a submarine that is a mile under the ocean, all from the comfort of his Little Rascal. And you know what? My son and I will be there, front row, popcorn and a copy of Dianetics in hand.
If you liked M:I Fallout, or if you’re a bad human and didn’t like it, or if you want to give me a suggestion for Action Friday, hit me up at averildickerson@outlook.com. See you next week!
Averil Dickerson 